God works in mysterious ways. We hear that all the time but now…I know. He really put me in my place yesterday and you won’t believe that He used my patient to do it.
Before I start I guess I should give you a little background on the situation. I have been running on fumes for the past few weeks. I’ve been working to meet the demands of school and my family, have been fighting a double ear infection for the past few months, and to be quite honest, I haven’t been sleeping well no matter how early I go to bed. All of this has left me…well…cranky and emotional the past few days. Wednesday night (I won’t get into specifics) I turned into a cranky maniac with Manny. I snapped at him for who knows what (I think he was asking me too many questions or something…) and then, even though I knew I was totally out of line, I refused to apologize. “I’m just tired and overwhelmed,” I said. To which Manny replied, “If that’s the way you apologize, I don’t want an apology.” Ouch. But I deserved it…truthfully, I did. But was I going to tell Manny that? Um, no. I like to think of myself as the perfect breed of Besecker/Strauss that has this innate unwillingness to admit when I’m wrong because, let’s face it, I’m not usually wrong (you see what I mean?). So I went to bed in a huff and woke up in a puff and was out the door without saying goodbye or whatnot. I never do that. I was trying to prove a point. I think I was doing scientific research to see if you act mad enough if you could make the other person apologize eventually regardless of who is truthfully wrong. I’m not sure…I was too tired to think rationally and was testing the boundaries of common sense.
Anyways, so now it’s Thursday morning and I am at my clinical site where I have been assigned to “Joe” (for privacy’s sake). Joe is an 80-ish man who has just suffered a stroke. While his long memory is intact, Joe has lost his short term memory. And by losing his short term memory I don’t mean he forgets what happened yesterday…he forgets what happened every minute. I told him my name about once every 1-2 minutes. Well, Joe has a habit of walking around naked and what not so I have been assigned to him to kind-of distract him.
The first time I meet Joe he says, “Did I have a heart attack or a stroke?” I tell him that he’s had a little stroke. “Are you an RN?” he asks. I’m on my way there I tell him and he looks right at me and says, “Did I have a heart attack or a stroke?” He doesn’t remember what I just told him. So I spend my day working with Joe and trying to help him re-train his memory. But he asks the same questions over and over. I have to point out that Joe has long term memory. He can tell me when he was married, what his kids names are, he brags to me about his wife and when he was converted to Catholicism but once he is done telling me a story he asks again, “So did I have a heart attack or a stroke?”
A really quick sidenote: This guy is officially one of my favorite patients thus far – so sweet and really entertaining. Asking him what year it was he quickly stated, “It’s 2010.” I said, “No, Joe…look at the date I’ve written on the board.” “2012?” he gasps. “Oh my God, I’ve been in a coma for two years?!?!?” Seriously funny.
Anyhow…we do the dance around the heart attack/stroke question for almost three hours. All the time I am talking to him I am fingering my phone in my pocket going back and forth between texting Manny or not…it’s at this point that I’m starting to hate my Straussecker stubbornness. I want to text Manny but that would entail saying I’m wrong and that would make me weak or who knows what I was thinking. So I didn’t. I just kept checking the phone to see if he text me because we ALL know that whoever texts first is the loser. Right? Ok maybe not but, like I said, I was tired.
Anyhow, I take Joe’s vital signs, go to chart them and come back to spend time with him. When I come back in I am expecting the now-routine adage of “Did I have a heart attack or a stroke?” but he looks right at me and says (and this is the dead honest truth)…”Do you know what makes a marriage work?” I ask him to tell me. “You have to know how to say sorry,” he says. “You have to apologize when you’re wrong no matter how much you want to be right.” And then, as if that wasn’t enough, he continues. “Sometimes we are so stubborn you know? We just don’t want to admit when we are wrong and you have to know how to do that to make a marriage work. It’s not love, although that’s important. It’s knowing how to say you are sorry. It’s that simple.” Wham! Gasp! Ouch! I had to catch my breath. I seriously wanted to ask him, “Did my husband put you up to this?” I half expected to look over my shoulder and see Manny standing there, laughing. But I knew what was going on…God was putting me in my place. When he told me that, I knew I needed to text Manny and apologize. And I did.
Well, he didn’t stop talking. He told me about the four H’s that are the key to life: humility, honesty, humor and happiness (who knew we could boil it down to that). He told me that raising your kids with God is the right way because they will be strong, faithful and true. He told me about caring and that you can’t expect everyone to care for you if you don’t care for anyone else. “Peace be with you” he kept saying. He then started to talk to me about how he had sinned and how he knew that God forgave him and that God loved him. He started to tell me about his wife and how great she was to him and how much of a better mother she was than he was a father. And he even started telling me how he hoped people didn’t remember him in a bad way once he passed.
I have to tell you that at this point I’m getting a little worried. I’m appreciating and truly soaking up everything this man is telling me, but I can’t help but realize how much of a change it has been since this morning. I’m starting to get scared. Yes, scared. Is this man telling me his last words? Are these his last reflections in life? Now, I’m starting to bargain with the main upstairs…“God…please, if you are ready for Joe to come to heaven with you I totally respect that but please PLEASE wait until after 4 p.m. Thank you. Amen.” That's the last thing I need right now.
Anyhow, Joe soon came back from the reflection period…he asks me, “Are you married?” I tell him yes and tell him I just got married in October. “Are you pregnant yet?” he asks and laughs. I tell him I have two boys, a 2 year old and one that is going to be one next month. “Wait a minute!” he says, “When did you say you were married?” I tell him October. “Oh it’s ok, God will forgive you.” LOL…Thanks Joe…for someone who can’t remember the last minute, he remembered that. I’m sure that was God putting me in my place again. I laughed, to which Joe responded, “Did I have a heart attack or a stroke?” Thank goodness…
On another note, Joe’s wife came to visit him in the afternoon. Joe kept repeating his questions to me and his wife kept leaving the room because she was getting irritated with him. When she came back in she told Joe to stop asking me questions over and over because I have things to do and he was keeping me (I didn’t mind at all). He was sure he didn’t ask me that question before and asked me again. She became angry with him. Then he asked me again. She became more frustrated. I know she is having a hard time dealing with the situation. “Stop it! She doesn’t want you asking her the same question over and over!” she yelled. Joe apologized to me and seemed visibly upset. “Don’t apologize to me,” I said. “I enjoy every minute with you and you can ask me the same question over and over and it won’t bother me at all.” And then I turned to his wife and said (in a very pleasant voice), “Joe was telling me all about you this morning…how lucky he was to have you as a wife and a mother to his kids. He loves you very much. I’m really happy that Joe has such great memories of you. Even if he lost his short term memory, he will always remember you and your family. He remembers everyone’s birthdays and names and ages and even your anniversary date. And not everyone that suffers a stroke is that lucky. Imagine if he didn’t remember you at all…if he didn’t remember the last 59 years with you or your children or your family.” Now THAT is something to think about isn’t it?
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