It's been a while since I've been on here. Why? Well, I shouldn't have to tell you that. I have a LOT of reasons. Five of those reasons breathe...six if you include myself. I realized two things today: the first is that I've fallen off the radar. The second is that I just REALLY want to write. So what better avenue than this?
I didn't write much during the summer. There were a few reasons for that. The most important is that I was just UBER busy with summer classes...I had to schedule in time to breathe. Really. Another reason is because I just didn't have much I wanted to write. I learn so much in clinicals each semester and summer was no different. The only thing that was different was that I wasn't in DIRE need to share what I learned. I can sum it up in pretty much two sentences. Birth is amazing and I want to hold and cuddle babies for the rest of my life. And I was dumb to think that every parent loved their child the same way I do mine. That's about it. It was a tearful semester: tears of joy and sorrow. It's one I will never forget.
But now we have started the Fall semester (joy joy joy). I am happy that it means only two more semesters...but I'm sad to be back into the hectic swing of things. I've come to think of myself as a time ninja...I have to balance my time so well and to be honest, I'm becoming an expert at it. Between the five kids...oh, I mean four kids and the husband, school, Devin's karate, Larissa's dance, Jacob's tantrums and Masons cuddling needs (yes, this is a real need of his - especially when I'm trying to prepare dinner), you'd think I'd be over my head. But wait - we can add on volunteering weekly at the kids school, preparing a presentation for the Brownie girl scouts on First Aid, leading a group project, planning Jacob's birthday party, grocery shopping, cleaning - you name it, I'm doing it. I have to admit, I'm proud of myself. Sometimes I think to myself NOT EVERYONE can manage as well as you can so you should be proud!
Now, I can't give myself too much credit. There have been a few adult tantrums...by adult, I mean mommy tantrums. Probably just one...well, maybe two....it's possible there has been three. Like the other day when I longed for a little peace and quiet and nobody was listening to me and Manny walked in the door and I screamed, "I just need to go away for a minute!" and ran into my room. What did I do in there? I just stood there. I listened to myself breathe....and then a minute later I walked out like nothing had happened. Perhaps I had another tantrum during Jacob's tantrums...three hours of ongoing screaming have me just watching my hair fall out. I'm pretty sure he added a wrinkle to my face the other day. I literally found myself talking out loud, in the middle of the living room, saying, "Is this normal? God? Is this normal? Is this child okay? Does he need a therapist?" It's normal, I know. But it doesn't make it any easier. I'm pretty patient (I think) but there has been a time or two (or four) that I've chased Jacob down the hallway into his room. It scares him...which gives me about two minutes sans screaming.
One thing I have realized is that the time pressure has given me a no-nonsense approach to life. Tell it to me like it is. I don't have time to play games. It may sound mean but it isn't meant mean...I just don't have the time! In fact its amazing I even have time to write this blog....that's just how amazing I am! (No, not true. Realistically, I will be up late tonight studying because that is what I should be doing now but I'm not. What's wrong with a little written therapy?)
Now on to the most important moment of this whole blog, Jacob is three! Three! And the worst part of it all is that he tells me he's three. When he can tell me how old he is, he is too old. This morning he wakes up and he's like, "Good Morning mommy. I slept good. Where are my toys? I need to go potty. Did you sleep good? I love my mommy." I'm pretty sure he didn't know half of those words last week. I'm pretty positive of it. It's a proud moment...but it's bittersweet. My little monster is growing up....too quick. Today I dropped Dev and Riss off at school and he told me he wanted to go with Devi and Sissa and I, out of immediate fright, screamed NO! YOU'LL NEVER START SCHOOL! I'm not fooling myself...and Larissa checked me pretty fast anyway. "In a year you'll be in preschool" she tells him. "They have preschool here." Mmmm hmmm...thanks Riss. I used to think the September cutoff was the pits....now I'm lucky it exists. He's seven days off of the cutoff Riss so jokes on you! LOL.
Well, I could keep writing forever but truth is, I have to go pick the kids up from daycare and then head to martial arts with Devin. So off I go.
Til next time....
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